I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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