can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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