i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just puked most of my soul out..
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