My girlfriend figured out who you are.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
