Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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