you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
