I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
