i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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