her vagine was all disorganized.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
