sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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