T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
is it fun? or sober?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
