Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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