I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
