I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
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Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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