You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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