I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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