singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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