My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
