you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
