Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
