yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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