Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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