Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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