Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
