we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
