Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
