so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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