Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
