Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
