yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
