Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize