one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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