If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
