How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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