if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
