WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
