You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
