is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize