Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
