dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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