i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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