You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
