I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
