she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
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And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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