Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
