You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
