I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
