At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize