Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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