He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I love you.
Bad choice
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
