We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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