i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
