blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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