A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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