I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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