I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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