You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
