Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
