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I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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