I wish i was in the wii world.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
