Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
