She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
