i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
