Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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